Pieces of Us

A hero is one who knows how to hang on one minute longer

Looks can be deceiving. These carefree, adorable young ladies are valiant heroes in disguise. Sidney is Gabby's friend who also has diabetes.  They are almost the exact same age and the exact same size. I am so thankful that Gabby has a friend that 'gets' her in a way that none of the rest of us can.

Diabetes Camp Time!

    Please see the Chip-In widget in the sidebar.  Gabby is working hard to earn money for Camp this year.  If someone would like some babysitting done or housework she and Maddy and ready and willing.  If it is easier to just donate you can do so through chip-in.  I set up the chip-in so that even if the girls do work for you, you can just pay through the chip-in and it goes directly into the camp fund.

    Please take the time to read our Welcome page if you can.

 

On Diabetes and God's Grace and Mercy

    It has been almost 4 years since our Gabby was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes.  I have blogged about that day many times but I don't think I have ever taken the time to fully share the impact diabetes has had on my faith and how the grace of God has not only helped me cope but also how much He has used this disease to teach me.

    When in late April 1997 we had noticed a decline in Gabby's health I had no true idea what road our life was taking.  I knew something was wrong, seriously wrong but I was truly at a loss as to what was happening and how to fix it. I was standing in church during worship one Sunday and I was overcome with the feeling that my problem was right there staring at me in the face. I was trying to fix it myself. I laugh when I think about that fact now.  I had completely misplaced my trust in Him. As the next song began to play the words began to sink deep into my heart.

I'm trading my sorrow
I'm trading my shame
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

I'm trading my sickness
I'm trading my pain
I'm laying it down for the joy of the Lord

 

    I started to cry (which is no stretch because I often cry during worship).  Deep down those words were penetrating my soul.  I thought about Gabby's sickness.  I knew it was there although doctors seemed loathe to find it.  I knew He had all the answers and yet I had not turned to Him.  Sure I had prayed but I was praying the wrong prayer.  All along I had been praying for God to heal Gabby, to take away her pain and make her seem whole again. It sounds like a justifiable prayer but it was far too  centered on what I wanted.  I began to pray that God show us what was wrong and that He use it for his purpose. I praised Him and was fully relieved in the fact that He knows what He is doing and that I didn't need to worry.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  Matthew 25:27

    Forgetting that God is in control and that I do not need to worry is something I fall into quite a lot. Sometimes I need a little smack in the back of the head and I had one at that moment.  The next day was a Monday and God fully orchestrated an incident that led me to take Gabby to the doctor.  This was completely unrelated to diabetes or those symptoms, it was a simple earache. Gabby had never had one before.  This was God.

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

 

    We  left the doctors office that day and I sat in the parking lot for awhile willing myself not to cry because I didn't want to scare Gabby. The minute I got Mike on the phone that will was gone. I cried.  I fully wept. I had no idea what all this meant for Gabby.  For us as a family. Like most average people my knowledge of diabetes was very limited and I knew we were about to get a crash course. I was still in a place where I was trying to figure out how I was going to get us through this.  So silly. I had the Great Physician right there to call upon but instead I was trying to do all the work myself!  We pulled out of the parking lot and we were both quiet. Gabby and I, just driving down the road and being forced to diverge off the beaten path onto a new, ominous, scary one.  This song came on the radio and in our silence I listened to the words.

 

Every word seemed to be written to me at that exact moment.

 

Would I believe you when you would say 
Your hand will guide my every way 
Will I receive the words You say 
Every moment of every day 

His hand is always there to guide me.  He would teach me all I needed to know about this disease.  He would guide all of us, I needed to trust Him and accept the direction He had set forth in our lives.

Well I will walk by faith 
Even when I cannot see 
Well because this broken road 
Prepares Your will for me

 

    Many, many times we cannot see the reasons God has for doing His will in our lives.  Sometimes we go into His plans kicking, screaming, resisting. He set forth a dark and dreary road for us and I admit that it scared me.  But I didn't have to be scared because His hand was and is there to giude me through it.  Not unlike a little child crossing the street for the very first time.  We reach out for mom or dad to hold our hand and help us make it safely across. Sure the road is dangerous and we could be hit by a car but Dad is there, he is wiser, older and stronger and he will help us get to the other side safely.  God does this for us every day.  The more I listened, the more of God's perfect peace covered me.

    The next day at the Endocrinologist appointment the doctor walked in and took one look at us.  I was composed, I was strong and I was ready to take this new challenge with Gabby head on with God by my side.  The doctor asked if we had cried it all out or if we were still emotional.  I told him that we didn't feel like crying, that we felt relief! This may not have been the answer to prayer that we wanted but it was still an answer.  We knew what was wrong and now we could help her.  I recognized that this was not a common response that the doctor was used to.  In truth he seemed a little shocked.

    As we learned all we needed to know about how to care for Gabby I knew in my heart that God could remove this sickness from her. I knew that if I wanted I could pray for that to happen.  But I also knew that God often has a greater purpose and that we had a lot to learn about ourselves and His direction for our lives and so this disease may be a part of that direction.  I wanted to grieve, and I did to some extent but I also felt peace.

'Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.' Nehemiah 8:10

    

    
    (Writing this just now, I had a thought.  Women are often asked when they are pregnant, "Do you want a Boy or Girl?"  and many times what is the response? "We don't care as long as it's healthy."  Why do we say that? Would we not consider the baby a blessing and a gift if it was not healthy? This is just a small digression but honestly, a healthy child is never a guarantee but that makes them no less of a gift.)

    Diabetes has brought an interesting dynamic into our lives. We have had to learn a new way of living. There are times when we all struggle with it.  Times when there are limitations put on Gabby that make her sad, make us all sad. But we have also been blessed by people brought into our lives and by people we have been able to help. We have drawn closer to God and we have learned to lean on Him always. I can honestly say that my walk with Him would not be where it is today if diabetes had not entered into our lives.

    Early on in Gabby's journey with diabetes I joined a message board for parents of children living with the disease.  I wanted support and comaraderie with people who lived the same kind of life we were now living.  There was a constant there that was not quite on the surface and I couldn't always put my finger on what it was.  It seemed like a lack of hope in these parents.  I know they had been through so much and that it takes a toll on even the strongest person.  Diabetes is a constant thing, you cannot do much of anything without thinking about it and judging whether you can eat this or that, or do this type of exercise.  But these parents, they broke my heart.  Every minute of every day seemed to be a quest for making their child 'normal'.  What if they weren't meant to be 'normal'?  Maybe this disease was their 'gift'.  

 

    God can do amazing things through people who have suffered greatly. We can look to the bible and see evidence of men and women who suffered but did not lose faith.  Naaman suffered from leprosy, he wanted a quick cure but God had other plans for him. God used Naaman's leprosy to draw him closer to Him. Naaman went to Elisha, the Prophet for answers.  He wanted a quick fix, he wanted God to just heal him right then and there, but God had a plan that He wanted Naaman to follow.  Elisha said to him,

 “Go and wash in the Jordan seven times, and your flesh shall be restored to you and you shall be clean.” 

 

At first Naaman was mad!  

 

" But Naaman was furious and went away and said, “Behold, I thought, ‘He will surely come out to me, and stand and call on the name of the LORD his God, and wave his hand over the place, and cure the leper.’  

 

    He stormed off angry because healing was not coming to him in his way.  Naaman was a proud man and leprosy was a huge incovenience to him.  It was more than an inconvenience, it was ruining his life, the life he thought he was supposed to be leading.  God felt the need to knock him off his pedestal a bit. How can we receive blessings from God when we are full of our own pride?  God gives us grace to be humble. Now bear in mind that when I use this illustration I am speaking about my own pride.  God chose not to use my body but to use Gabby's. This may be hard to understand, but I get it.  For me, using my body would not  speak as loudly, like a mama bear with her cubs, you get my attention through my children.   When we try to handle our own lives and not submit to God's plan, when we resist it...that is pride.  And until we humble ourselves  we cannot receive the gift of grace.  I know I am guilty of pride when it comes to my kids. 

 

    When Naaman became angry it is because he felt that his way was better than God's. He didn't want to go slog around in the Jordan for days and so he resisted.  It would not have been hard for Naaman to go wash in the stream and in fact he would be cured but it's not the way he wanted to be healed.  He wanted instant gratification.  Naaman was egotistical and felt he was above the plan that God had laid out for him.  There are times when I feel just like Naaman.  Why can't Gabby just be healed, why can't I just pray that her diabetes go away and she be healed?  I can pray that, but I also have to accept that God's answer will most likely be no.  Diabetes is part of His plan for her life. In it we can see His grace and mercy.

    I stopped visiting the message board.  I think the difference between me and many of the parents there is that I was not grieving over the destruction of her earthly body. I had come to terms with the fact that this physical body of hers is only here for a tiny amount of time in the grand sceme of things. I know with full certainty that when her physical body ceases to be she will be granted a heavenly body that will never be ravaged by disease.  I know if we take good care of her she will be here on earth a long time, in fact she has a good cahnce of living longer that a person with type 2 diabetes and thanks to forced healthful eating perhaps longer than a non-diabetic person.  I also know that she could be taken tomorrow, or we all could be taken tomorrow.  Nothing is certain except God.

I will never leave you nor forsake you. Hebrews 13:5

    We can take absolute comfort in that. We sing a song often in our home and at church that speaks volumes to me. The lyrics say,

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence here to hold
Let these songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suff'ring You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sickening
No hiding You hold me now, 
You hold me now

In this life fin'lly stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When You're name is lifted high
And forever praises last
For the glory of Your Name
I'll be livin' for the day

When the world has finally cease
All creation rest in peace
Let these songs of heaven rise to you alone

 

    What comfort we can take away in knowing that we are held.

 

 

 

 

Pump Style

    Gabby finally got a new pump belt.  Her other one which i had made for her was so worn out that it finally just shredded. I let her choose one to buy this time instead of carving out time to make one.  This one is so cute and very durable.

 

Oh how I do love my girl!

Kumbaya

    Today Mike and I (and Popa joined us for the trip) made the 6 hour round trip drive to take Maddy and Gabby to Camp Conrad-Chinnock. The night before we had everything packed, names in all the clothes, secret goodies in the suitcases for them to find later. Maddy started to complain that she felt weird and I noticed she seemed warm.  Jillian and Ginny had just got over a weird 12 hour fever a couple days earlier so I figured it had just crossed over to Maddy.  And it had.  She woke up tired and feverish but once we were on the road she was perking up a bit.

 

    We left nice and early and so once we reached Rancho Cucamonga we realized we had plenty of time to stop at Bass Pro Shops.  It sounds boring but honestly it is a lot of fun to go there! The restaurant is yummy and there are huge aquarium and wildlife dioramas through out. We looked around and had some lunch. Gabby bought a hat and Maddy bought a shirt.

 

    We got back on the road for another hour or so.  The girls were getting excited as we got up the hill into the mountains. We turned onto the dirt road and soon we saw camp come into view.  It really is a beautiful place and the trees smelled wonderful! We lugged all the gear to the office and immediately were greeted enthusiastically by some very nice counselors. They were excited to see Gabby wears a pump and quickly pulled out theirs to compare.  They had the same one! We were taken to the dining hall to meet the girls counselor. 

 

    Anna is from England and has an awesome accent! She is studying medicine in England and is here for the summer to help and learn.  She took us to the girls cabin, cabin #4. The cabin has two rooms with 3 bunkbeds in it and a bathroom in the middle. A gaggle of giggling girls came out of one room to meet Maddy and Gabby and we learned that they are the oldest in the cabin and Gabby is the most experienced with her diabetes.  Even though they are younger than my girls, the other campers are very outgoing and fun.

 

    The girls chose their beds and then we went on a tour of camp and saw the infirmary, the pool, the archery area, the obstacle course and rock wall, the dining hall, the campfire area....  It looked so fun that I even wanted to stay. After the tour I hugged my girls and said goodbye.  I didn't feel sad at all, I just know that they are having a grand time.  They will get to do arts and crafts, skits, canoeing, rock wall climbing, hiking, archery, swimming, a dance, contests, sleep outdoors, campfire. What could be more fun?

  

    I cannot wait to hear all the details when they get back!

Three Years

    Today is Three Years.

    Three Years since the poking began, three years of testing, logging, worrying. Three years of counting the blessings.  Yes, I said blessings. We are blessed that our Gabby is still with us.  We are blessed that we live in 2010 where insulin is readily available and we are blessed that advances are being made at a rapid pace in the field of endocrinology.  We are blessed that Gabby is mature beyond her years and takes excellent care of her body.  We are blessed that Gabby has lots of brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, grandparents who want to know about her disease in order to help her lead a normal life. 

    We are blessed.

Looking Forward

    I was inspired by my good friend Anissa's recent blog post where she gave a short summary of things that were coming up throughout 2010. I began to ponder on what things I would have to look forward to this year. I don't think I have mentioned that Jillian passed the 20 month mark 2 months ago and so this is officially the longest I have been 'not pregnant'. This is a strange feeling for me as any other year I would be posting that I was looking forward to the arrival of a new baby. Instead I have other things to  anticipate this year.

* The first thing is a big order from Amazon. I am not a binge shopper anymore and in fact I have been the complete anti-shopper since we dedicated ourselves to being debt free and to bulking up several months worth of living expenses.  We now live on a cash only system, I do not use debit except for gas and we do not use credit cards anymore.  We have learned that something saved for, means more, and is appreciated more...at least around here.  Plus it's a great feeling to always know exactly how much cash you have left for the month at a quick glance.  Holy digression! All of that merely to say this.  Have you ever jokingly said to someone, "Well maybe we have some  long lost relative who will leave us money?"  I've said it.  Completely joking of course. Well, it actually happened to our family.  We really had a long lost relative in France who passed away (and brief tangent, I am sad that I did not know her or know of her and I would love to hear any stories regarding her if any family is reading this that may have such information) and left a small sum of money to the family.

After about a year of entanglements with the French and American Governments we now have the inheritance...minus about 80% in fees. (Robbery if you ask me.. another digression) Tonight we had a wonderful family dinner at Musashi with all Four of us married couples (Been dying to say that!) and my kiddos. Mom and Dad presented each of us with an envelope containing touching handwritten notes from mom and some cash for us all...you haven't lived until you have seen a 4 year old open a card with a $50 bill inside of it.  Too cute! So long story getting LONGER.  We have these terrible, flaking calphalon cooking pans. We are probably dying as I type this from ingesting the little flakes and the kids are starting to think that Mac n Cheese is supposed to have little black specks. 

Kidding. 

Sort of.

So after a bit of discussion we decided to spend half of the inheritance to restock the kitchen. Out go the nasty pans and in comes the new pans.  This is definitely a worthwhile investment here as I cook from scratch a whole lot, they will be used daily.  I have been building a stash of cast iron pans as I have found they are definitely my cookware of choice and they will last long enough to be passed down to my grandkids.  Today I ordered several enameled cast iron dutch ovens and pots.  Also an electric (and why didn't spellcheck notice I spelled that electirc at first?)  teakettle for my little girlie teadrinkers, a steamer insert, a marble rolling pin, biscuit cutters and some fiestaware pieces.  I will take pictures of our Christmas in January when it all arrives.  It was very exciting to get to do it.

Phew!  Moving On!

*Softball season!  Part looking forward to, part dreading.  Gabby will play in 12 and unders and Ginny has decided to continue playing mini-sox.  Should be fun, or harrowing...or both.

*Marriage Retreat! I don't have a nursling (well I do but she can go two or three days without doing it so I don't count it as a needy nursling) this year so we can go to Pismo for the annual marriage retreat.  I am SO looking forward to that time and also hoping that we can share the trip with Chad and Laura this year since Laura is a married lady now .  ( Teehee!  I said it again!) I am really looking forward to some special time with my man and some fun in the sun and fellowship with friends.

*Seattle with Anissa.  TBD.  Not sure when we will go this year but the 2nd annual Seattle trip WILL happen  at some point because Anissa and I need to eat a lot more seafood.

*AJ's 9th birthday and the remodel of the boys room.  Space/StarWars theme.  And possible the moving out of Jillian later in the year.

*Camping in Yosemite!  In the works is a camping trip to Yosemite.  Hopefully Jeff and Kelli will be going with us and Mom and Dad if they want to (but I haven't invited them yet so Mom if you are reading this, you are invited to go along too.)  We plan to do some cave exploration, hiking, fishing, squirrel following, campire singing, game-playing and whatever else we decide to do.  Cooking with cast iron pans probably. ;)  Cornbread anyone?

* Swim team.  We like it.  We love it.  We want more of it.

* Diabetes Camp.  I am hoping to get Gabby accepted into a sleepaway diabetes camp this year.  I am so excited to give her the opportunity to meet other kids who live day to day in the way that she does. And also send her to a place where I do not have to worry about her getting the best possible care she can while she has a load of fun.

*Ginny turns 7,  7!!

*Maddy and Gabby turn 12.  My hands are shaking.  Did I type that? 12?  Last year before I have two teenagers in the house.  It feels like they already are teenagers though.  They act like them.  Hmpf.

* Being debt free!!!  We will have all debt except the mortgage paid off this year.  And let the freedom ring!

My fingers hurt now so I'll give it a rest and you can wait for updates as the year progresses. Carpal tunnel.  Ack.  Fingers cramping......

Out with the Old...

    I pushed the button on Gabby's pink pump expecting the whirrr sound to start up as the cartridge loaded into the machine. The little arrows flickered as if the drum was turning up but...NO sound. 

No Whirring.

I sighed.

I changed out the battery and managed to give the pump a shock to it's mechanical heart. Sadly within a day or two the load function was dead. 

Flatline.

I love Animas 24 hour support.  They are seriously some of the nicest people to deal with. The sweet lady on the other end of the line helped me prime the pump up to at least get it delivering insulin and informed me that a brand spankin' new pump was being overnighted.  It came today and we all did a little happy, jiggly dance because it's the same pump but instead of a matte cotton-candy pink...it's a shimmery metallic pink.  And the backlight is nice and bright too. It really is the little things in life!

The latest in Technology

    After reading a blog post about lancing devices of the past I thought I'd search out some myself as part of my Thankful month.  I am so thankful that Gabby was diagnosed in a time where there are so many advances, making living with Diabetes easier for her. It was while doing this search that I came across this little number and I cannot stop laughing.  I do not know what is more pathetic?  The fact that it looks like a robot from a 1950's sci-fi flick or the typos that run rampant in the description.

Antidiabetic Device

Gotta run right out and get one of those!

The picture that caused me to shudder to the point of nearly losing my lunch..and also prompted this blog entry was this guy.

 

I can't even imagine having to use that lancet launcher to prick Gabby's little finger and I tip my hat to all the people that had to use one.

Insulin pumps have also come a LONG LONG way.  People who know Gabby have seen her little pump the size of a pager (What's A Pager? she asked me when I tried to explain the size it would be.) I don't think she would ever have been able to tote around this gadget circa 1978. Never mind that we would never have been able to afford one.

 

Insulin Pumps did improve with the times but they still weren't as great as what we have now.  Here is one that was at least pocket size...sort of.

 

So today I am thankful for the advances in medicine and for what we have to look forward to.

Things like the Flex pump.

 

Constant Glucose Monitoring

 

The 'Ping"!

Lancet Devices that do not look like torture devices!

2 Appointments

    Jillian had her check up with the Ortho this morning.  She is back in the soft cast for another week.  This suits us fine as she just was so sore still. There is bruising on the inside and outside of her elbow and the Ortho thinks it likely does have a break somewhere.  In any case the treatment would be to splint it for another week and then follow up with x-ray so that is what we are doing.

    Gabby also had a check up with her Endo today.  Her a1c came back at 7.1 which is great for a pubescent girl.  I am so happy that she is doing so well with her care.  She assumes much of the responsibility herself. I took her out for a lunch at her favorite place Arby's for lunch.

    So two appointments, two good prognosis'